Dear Jacob,
How do you pick up the pieces of a broken heart? Will it be remade to wholeness? How does one live in the shadow of the truth that you can never truly have someone totally? What must i do to get over the reality that my sister is now your wife and i am to wait another seven years before we can marry? What must a girl do to live with that?
My heart is torn and i cry out day and night but no one hears me. My eyes are dried with tears - they are my only companion nowadays even as i wait for you to be mine... something i'm not really sure would happen. What do i do Jacob? How will i live my life like this? How can i be made whole again? Answer me.
It is this brutal truth of not being able to love you totally. I don't even know if i can believe in love again. May God forgive me for that. And if He is really there, i hope He helps me find a way to be whole again.
Rachel
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Friday, June 8, 2012
eighth leter
Dear Jacob,
You married my sister. My heart is beyond broken. I was stowed away on the night we were to be together. I tried stopping them from taking Leah to you... but I was weak.
I don't know how you feel about this but please know that I did not know father had planed all this. Please don't be angry with me. If you only knew how i cried... i cried till there were no more tears in my eyes... i don't know how i can ever come near you again... it breaks my heart to know that i will never be the first woman in your life... and yet, i'm still hoping that things would get better... maybe i'm just meant to be your sister but i'm not sure if i can accept that... i've come to love you in a different way... in a good way... like how a woman must love her man... that's how i feel and now it's taken away from me.
i don't know what to say anymore... i fear i may not have the words to utter to you... all i can think of is goodbye...
rachel
You married my sister. My heart is beyond broken. I was stowed away on the night we were to be together. I tried stopping them from taking Leah to you... but I was weak.
I don't know how you feel about this but please know that I did not know father had planed all this. Please don't be angry with me. If you only knew how i cried... i cried till there were no more tears in my eyes... i don't know how i can ever come near you again... it breaks my heart to know that i will never be the first woman in your life... and yet, i'm still hoping that things would get better... maybe i'm just meant to be your sister but i'm not sure if i can accept that... i've come to love you in a different way... in a good way... like how a woman must love her man... that's how i feel and now it's taken away from me.
i don't know what to say anymore... i fear i may not have the words to utter to you... all i can think of is goodbye...
rachel
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
seventh letter
Dear Jacob,
I can't believe it! In a couple of days, we'll be married and that thought just simply overwhelms me. I don't know what to do. I have never known a man. And I'm afraid i might not please you. I hope you will bear with me. There is much to learn on my part and I'm just thankful we have a lifetime of learning together. Perhaps, your God will guide me to do what is right. And i really, really hope He blesses us with children who will be with us through our old age. These are just simple things i am asking for.
Oh my... I'm sorry. I got carried away there. I failed to write about how father has been looking at me strangely nowadays. I feel like there's something going on but i can't get hold of it. It's a menace hangs between the two of us and I think I would shed tears for this. A nagging thought disturbs me at night and a cloud seems to be hanging before me at daytime. I don't want to think about it but as the days draw near, i cannot deny this feeling anymore.
And now that i mentioned it, i suddenly feel threatened. The happiness i feel hangs by a thread all too suddenly.... and now, i'm not so certain anymore...
still hoping...
rachel
I can't believe it! In a couple of days, we'll be married and that thought just simply overwhelms me. I don't know what to do. I have never known a man. And I'm afraid i might not please you. I hope you will bear with me. There is much to learn on my part and I'm just thankful we have a lifetime of learning together. Perhaps, your God will guide me to do what is right. And i really, really hope He blesses us with children who will be with us through our old age. These are just simple things i am asking for.
Oh my... I'm sorry. I got carried away there. I failed to write about how father has been looking at me strangely nowadays. I feel like there's something going on but i can't get hold of it. It's a menace hangs between the two of us and I think I would shed tears for this. A nagging thought disturbs me at night and a cloud seems to be hanging before me at daytime. I don't want to think about it but as the days draw near, i cannot deny this feeling anymore.
And now that i mentioned it, i suddenly feel threatened. The happiness i feel hangs by a thread all too suddenly.... and now, i'm not so certain anymore...
still hoping...
rachel
Monday, March 5, 2012
sixth letter
Dear Jacob,
I miss you. I wish we could talk. I love listening to you and to your stories about Esau, Uncle Isaac and Aunt Rebecca. You have a very interesting childhood and past as well. I wonder what I will tell you about me when my life was pretty much about sheep and desert and wells.
Oh well... there's a lifetime to create stories of our own right?
smiling...
Rachel
I miss you. I wish we could talk. I love listening to you and to your stories about Esau, Uncle Isaac and Aunt Rebecca. You have a very interesting childhood and past as well. I wonder what I will tell you about me when my life was pretty much about sheep and desert and wells.
Oh well... there's a lifetime to create stories of our own right?
smiling...
Rachel
Sunday, February 26, 2012
fifth letter
Dear Jacob,
How time flies so fast! I had been oblivious of the days you have been with us, with me. It's about t year now since we met and you being so chivalrous did something no man has ever done for me. You rolled the stone. And now you're working and waiting for the day we'll be married and be together as man & wife.
I do not wish to count the days. It simply will not do. My heart slowly recognizes your presence and it just gives me a reason to smile all day. I wish the days of waiting will be over soon. But there are still six more years to go through. I do not mind the wait because i will be spending the rest of my life with you. What is seven years compared to a lifetime?
However, there are moments when i feel like i cannot wait anymore. Sometimes, my heart just aches for the thought of you and me together. My eyes fill with tears of joy as i remember your face. I know the work must be tiring but i also know you are not baffled by it. Hang on my dear Jacob. A few more years and your labor will reap its reward. You do not have any idea what this waiting is doing to me but i believe it has taught me patience more than anything else. I'm also learning to trust you and your God. It's funny how things would work this way but i have never been happier.
Take care always.
your rachel
How time flies so fast! I had been oblivious of the days you have been with us, with me. It's about t year now since we met and you being so chivalrous did something no man has ever done for me. You rolled the stone. And now you're working and waiting for the day we'll be married and be together as man & wife.
I do not wish to count the days. It simply will not do. My heart slowly recognizes your presence and it just gives me a reason to smile all day. I wish the days of waiting will be over soon. But there are still six more years to go through. I do not mind the wait because i will be spending the rest of my life with you. What is seven years compared to a lifetime?
However, there are moments when i feel like i cannot wait anymore. Sometimes, my heart just aches for the thought of you and me together. My eyes fill with tears of joy as i remember your face. I know the work must be tiring but i also know you are not baffled by it. Hang on my dear Jacob. A few more years and your labor will reap its reward. You do not have any idea what this waiting is doing to me but i believe it has taught me patience more than anything else. I'm also learning to trust you and your God. It's funny how things would work this way but i have never been happier.
Take care always.
your rachel
Saturday, February 18, 2012
fourth letter
Dear Jacob,
How are the sheep doing? I'm sure they're thriving under your care. You are looking more rugged every day. I believe the sun and the dessert is doing you good.
I had a talk with Leah today. She seemed happy about the arrangement. But i can't help but notice the sadness in her eyes. I guess it must be hard on her knowing that I'm pledged to be married and not her. I begin to question whether marriage is the only thing for women to wait about. What if nobody speaks for her? What if nobody spoke for me? I guess life must be unfair at times. But I don't know how to comfort her. We're supposed to just wait till these things are ironed out. Only our fathers and brothers have the authority to give us into marriage. We cannot even choose the man we want. I feel for Leah's heart. I know she wants to marry there really is nothing before us if we don't.
How i wish i could ease her pain and uncertainty. How i wish i could tell her it's alright when i don't really know if it will be.
For now, i simply hope and pray that she also be given a man who will love her and bear her children so she won't be that lonely anymore.
And yes, seven years is worth the wait Jacob. And I am waiting.
your rachel
How are the sheep doing? I'm sure they're thriving under your care. You are looking more rugged every day. I believe the sun and the dessert is doing you good.
I had a talk with Leah today. She seemed happy about the arrangement. But i can't help but notice the sadness in her eyes. I guess it must be hard on her knowing that I'm pledged to be married and not her. I begin to question whether marriage is the only thing for women to wait about. What if nobody speaks for her? What if nobody spoke for me? I guess life must be unfair at times. But I don't know how to comfort her. We're supposed to just wait till these things are ironed out. Only our fathers and brothers have the authority to give us into marriage. We cannot even choose the man we want. I feel for Leah's heart. I know she wants to marry there really is nothing before us if we don't.
How i wish i could ease her pain and uncertainty. How i wish i could tell her it's alright when i don't really know if it will be.
For now, i simply hope and pray that she also be given a man who will love her and bear her children so she won't be that lonely anymore.
And yes, seven years is worth the wait Jacob. And I am waiting.
your rachel
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
...third letter...
Dear Jacob,
Seven years? Are you out of your mind? That is too much of a worth for a woman like me... i don't deserve that... and you really have to promise father that? ... do you know how shrewd father is? He would not take seven years for me... i'm sure he's up to something... i'm already afraid for the outcome.
Watching you attend to the flock day after day after day just warms my heart beyond description... How was it possible - that a woman like me would deserve the attention and the sacrifice of a man like you? I have never felt that valued before... i have always lived second to Leah... and my life seemed to revolve on just being second, being younger... but you, coming to father like that? ... telling him you chose me over Leah... that's the first time i was ever taken first. Not that i mind, really, but it's a tough life... to live as second, as the younger one - bullied by my older siblings.
Shall i say that you're the answer to my prayers? That in the past years i have been uttering these prayers to the gods of my father but they never answered. And now, there you are... before me... every day, here in my father's house waiting, working to be with me... there really must be a God who listens... somewhere... i would love to know Him...
Seven years will be a long wait... but you seem tireless and unmindful of the time... a strange man you are! Yet my heart warms every time i see you smile back... could it be possible? i think it is possible... i might have begun loving you...
gazing from afar.
rachel
Seven years? Are you out of your mind? That is too much of a worth for a woman like me... i don't deserve that... and you really have to promise father that? ... do you know how shrewd father is? He would not take seven years for me... i'm sure he's up to something... i'm already afraid for the outcome.
Watching you attend to the flock day after day after day just warms my heart beyond description... How was it possible - that a woman like me would deserve the attention and the sacrifice of a man like you? I have never felt that valued before... i have always lived second to Leah... and my life seemed to revolve on just being second, being younger... but you, coming to father like that? ... telling him you chose me over Leah... that's the first time i was ever taken first. Not that i mind, really, but it's a tough life... to live as second, as the younger one - bullied by my older siblings.
Shall i say that you're the answer to my prayers? That in the past years i have been uttering these prayers to the gods of my father but they never answered. And now, there you are... before me... every day, here in my father's house waiting, working to be with me... there really must be a God who listens... somewhere... i would love to know Him...
Seven years will be a long wait... but you seem tireless and unmindful of the time... a strange man you are! Yet my heart warms every time i see you smile back... could it be possible? i think it is possible... i might have begun loving you...
gazing from afar.
rachel
Monday, February 13, 2012
second letter
Dear Jacob,
i can't believe my ears... you chose me over Leah? and she's the older one... i wonder why father never disagreed... you're asking my hand in marriage? are you out of your mind? we just met... well, i believe a few days ago... i feel happy already - imagining my life with you for the rest of my days...
sometimes, i watch you as you bring the sheep home... and wonder.. what did i ever do to deserve such a man like you? maybe the Lord your God who has brought you here wants me to know Him, too...
i will try to pray to Him to keep you safe and watch over you... i know He will... He brought you here safe and sound and whole... and so i know that as you go to shepherd the flock every day, He will be with you...
thank you for the wild flowers you gave yesterday... that made me smile and i went to bed happy... the small talk was all i needed to be sure that what i heard was true... thank you...
waiting...
rachel
i can't believe my ears... you chose me over Leah? and she's the older one... i wonder why father never disagreed... you're asking my hand in marriage? are you out of your mind? we just met... well, i believe a few days ago... i feel happy already - imagining my life with you for the rest of my days...
sometimes, i watch you as you bring the sheep home... and wonder.. what did i ever do to deserve such a man like you? maybe the Lord your God who has brought you here wants me to know Him, too...
i will try to pray to Him to keep you safe and watch over you... i know He will... He brought you here safe and sound and whole... and so i know that as you go to shepherd the flock every day, He will be with you...
thank you for the wild flowers you gave yesterday... that made me smile and i went to bed happy... the small talk was all i needed to be sure that what i heard was true... thank you...
waiting...
rachel
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